No country for old hen

My battle with the upstairs neighbour will probably become a recurrent theme on this blog. He doesn't keep normal hours - in fact I'm not sure he sleeps at all. The odd noises that come from his flat often keep me awake at night, not only by their annoyance, but also as I'm utterly mystified as to what he's actually doing up there. Last night night he appeared to be either a) carrying out some extremely energetic clog dancing or b) training for a marathon until the wee small hours in a small 1 bedroom flat. I often lie awake thinking of the myriad punishments I should mete out on him. Last night's consisted of me with a chic bob going up there with a high pressure oxygen tank to give him a new parting...